JUN
24

Dealing with Stage Parents

By Edith Weiss 

Edith Weiss is the author of several published children’s plays, including six with Pioneer Drama Service.  A lot of Edith’s writing time goes into her stand-up comedy routine, which has taken her all over the country and on three overseas military tours.  Besides writing, she also acts and directs in both children’s and adult theatre. 

I once had a parent call me after the opening of a show, not to congratulate me but to ask me, in a tight-lipped, glary-eyed way (I couldn’t see him, but trust me, it was all in his voice.  I am, after all, a trained professional.)  why his daughter’s name was the last one listed in the program.  “Do you know how you made her feel?”

I’d worked with “l’enfant terrible,” but this was my first experience with “le parent terrible.”  Parents, even those with the best of intentions, can interfere in ways that leave you frustrated and angry.  Here’s the sanity-saving key for dealing with that overzealous person commonly known as the stage parent:  communication.

In the case I mentioned above, the problem was that the dad was uninformed.  He didn’t understand that in a program the characters are listed in order of appearance; but it was my fault that I hadn’t written “in order of appearance” in the program or explained as much to the kids.  Communicate with the parents of your actors.  Let them know what’s happening on a regular basis.  Since kids don’t always take handouts home, create an email list of parents’ addresses where you can attach copies of all the handouts for the parents.  The first email should include a thank you for letting their child be in the play as well as another thank you for their time commitment to drive the child to and from rehearsals.  Make sure the first handout you send has the beginning and end times of all rehearsals.  Face it, if you’re in a situation where you can’t leave until all the kids are picked up, you definitely want parents to know the pickup time!  And once you’ve told them, don’t make them wait in the car while a rehearsal runs late.  Hold up your end of the deal by making a commitment to end on time.

Do updates to keep parents involved in the process:  tell them when the cutoff date is for knowing the lines and the blocking, and keep reminding them that theater is an ensemble effort, not a star vehicle.  If there is a problem with an actor, email or phone that parent individually.  Remember, you’re talking about their children, so be gentle but firm.

Creating a Facebook group or even a website provides you with another fantastic communication tool.  Perhaps one of your parents could be the administrator for your Facebook page or maintain the website.  The website especially works out if you have handouts you want the parents to be able to download.  The Facebook page works well for quick daily updates since most people on the social networking site check their updates every day.  You can also post pictures of rehearsals or the kids at work on Facebook if you want.

There’s no better way to communicate with parents than getting them involved in the process.  Ask parents for their help in costuming, building props, putting up posters, fundraising, etc.  By directing the areas where the parents can dedicate their energies, most will back off from being intrusive in other areas.  Again, though, the key comes back to communication.  In this case, you need to make clear both your specific needs and your heartfelt appreciation for all their help.  The more parents feel like their contributions are appreciated, the more they’ll feel like they’re working in tandem with you and won’t give you a hard time.  Besides, if there’s an expectation that parents contribute some time, then a parent who hasn’t helped at all will hopefully think twice before complaining about the way you’ve done things!

What about parents in rehearsals?  This is where I draw the line and say absolutely no.  I always have closed rehearsals.  If they’re not there, they can’t interrupt rehearsals with well-meaning advice or critiques.  Explain that building an ensemble means that the actors form a team that can focus on the task at hand.  It’s distracting to have to worry about who is sitting in the audience, especially their parents.

One last tip about keeping parents happy:  if you’re directing in a venue where the parents have paid money for their kids to be in a show, make sure to equalize stage time as much as possible.  It’s only fair since they all paid the same amount to participate.  This may mean taking a solo song and dividing it up, studying the script and reassigning lines if it doesn’t affect the integrity of the script, adding a crowd scene, or giving an actor who doesn’t have any lines in a scene a bit of business to do.  You can always enhance your production with some pre-show or intermission entertainment performed by cast members with bit parts.  Heck, you can even write them their own scene during a lengthy set change, provided the play publisher grants you permission.

Sure, there will always be one or two parents who are only focused on making their child into a star.  But to make sure the vast majority of your parents don’t eat up too much of your time trying to protect the best interests of their child, set up effective tools to communicate with them regularly and direct them to areas where you invite and welcome their involvement.